Lots of people (mostly labels, but some artists) believe that "piracy" is the same as "theft." They believe that downloading music for free hurts artists, especially independent artists. They're wrong. In this essay, I'll tell you why.

This is a satiric essay I first debuted on bostonnoise.org (RIP).

Whether you're booking a live show or merely playing one, there is one cardinal rule to remember:

It's always the venue's fault.

As I said in Part I, you don't have to be good to be a genius at noise. What - you think your average teenage noise fan knows the difference between a subtly crafted noise symphony recorded in a pro studio in excruciating detail, and a half hour of radio static that you taped on your sister's boombox while you left to take a shower? Do you really? Give me a fucking break.

The first thing to remember about being a noise musician is this: you are not making music, you are creating a product. Memorize this dictum, as everything else follows.