As I said in Part I, you don't have to be good to be a genius at noise. What - you think your average teenage noise fan knows the difference between a subtly crafted noise symphony recorded in a pro studio in excruciating detail, and a half hour of radio static that you taped on your sister's boombox while you left to take a shower? Do you really? Give me a fucking break.

Recording

A true noise musician must follow this maxim: quantity, not quality. Put out as many releases as you can, in every possible format and on whatever labels will have you. If people (or at least noise fans) see your name enough, they'll automatically assume that you're a genius in high demand - and since there's no such thing as "bad" noise, they'll automatically be right.

Don't have any idea of what you want beforehand. Don't rehearse. Don't record more than a single stereo track. Don't master anything. To a true noise musician, these are merely stopping blocks put in the way of his innate creative genius.

Starting A Label

It is an unwritten law that everyone who plays noise MUST run their own label. This is because your music is too "far-out" or "intense" to be on anyone else's label (always refer to this as being too extreme for/unhappy with/ignored by the "usual channels"). It's certainly NOT because nobody else would ever want to release this shit.

Though your label exists only as an excuse to put out your own material, hide the fact by putting out one or two releases by someone else. Make sure this "someone else" also has his own label, so that they'll be forced to cross-promote your product as well. If this "someone else" is foreign, all the better to open up that lucrative European or Japanese market (it has to be better, because as we all know, all Americans have bad taste in everything).

For the truly bold, you can start a magazine or a webzine based on the label. In it, you simply review your own products, interview yourself and maybe whatever other artists are on your roster, and run ads for your own releases. Webzines are easier and cheaper, but a paper zine has two distinct advantages: you can make money by selling whatever ad space is left over; and you can actually charge money for it. Don't worry about punctuation, legibility, content, or copyright issues. It may be more complicated for the Philistines, but in the world of noise, running a magazine is like making music: it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be a product.

Packaging

The packaging is where it's at for any noise release. I mean, noise fans have to have some reason for buying your product. In all seriousness, you could put out a totally blank LP, people would listen to the needle noise and hail it as a work of genius provided it was released on marbled vinyl in a limited-edition hand-painted sleeve.

Absolutely nothing you release should be in a regular jewel case. Every single package should be hand-built, preferably including random objects or biological waste. An added bonus is that if a record store somehow agrees to carry the release, it'll have to be kept behind the counter, adding to its percieved collectability. Ideally, you should be forced to destroy the package in order to listen to the music.

Always release everything on casette tapes, even though they're expensive, time-consuming to reproduce, and sound like shit. That's the way everyone did it in the mid-80's, and remember that you're trying for underground credibility here. If it turns out that people may actually like these, you can always release them later on CD-R. Or, better yet, on vinyl. If you DO save up enough for vinyl, make sure to demand the mastering engineer put the entire 70+ minutes onto one LP.

Small print runs are best, especially in weird numbers (say, 41). Hand-number each copy. In another year, after nobody has bought any, start selling them on eBay as "Ultra-Rare Limited Edition" releases at irregular intervals for the suckers who collect this crap. (Make sure you include vaguely similar but better-known artists in the item's description.)

Distribution

There are three, and only three, possible ways you can distribute your product:

1. Mail order.
2. Setting up a table at shows.
3. eBay.

Any other methods of distribution are a total waste of time.

If someone - again, hopefully in Europe - agrees to "distribute" your shit (invariably using the same methods as above), you should take it as a sign that it's okay to sell his. Tack on a couple of bucks per item, so that if by blind chance his records actually sell, you can rake in the dough.

And in a couple of years - after you're in debt, knee-deep in perpetually upcoming releases, behind schedule, and so sick of noise that you can't even do your laundry because of the sound the washing machine makes - you can cut off all communication with your artists and customers, then skip town with all their cash.