I am now officially gay for Kurt Vonnegut.

Some recent quotes from his appearance on PBS's "Now":

DAVID BRANCACCIO:Mr. Vonnegut, thanks for coming by.

KURT VONNEGUT: My pleasure.

DAVID BRANCACCIO: How's life?

KURT VONNEGUT: Well, it's practically over, thank God.

...

KV: Look, we're awful animals. We can start with that. You know, it's a whole human experiment, if that's what we are.

DB: That at heart-- at heart, we're awful?

KV: Look, we after two World Wars and the holocaust and the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and after the Roman games and after the Spanish Inquisition and after burning witches, the public-- shouldn't we call it off? I mean, we are a disease and should be ashamed of ourselves.

And so, yeah, I think we ought to stop reproducing. But since we're not going to do that, I think the planet's immune system is trying to get rid of us.*

...

DAVID BRANCACCIO: What can we say to younger people who have their whole lives ahead of them?

KURT VONNEGUT: Well, you are human beings. Resourceful. Form a little society of your own. And, hang out with them. Get a gang.

DB:You're preaching getting into gangs?

KV: Yes. Well, look, it's--

DB: A good gang.

KV: Look, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I have a master's degree in anthropology.

DB: I'm intimidated.

KV: From the University of Chicago-- as did Saul Bellow, incidentally. But anyway, one thing I found out was that we need extended families. We need gangs.

...

DB: Mr. Vonnegut, how does a man stay funny when he thinks the world stinks like this?

KV: He smokes.

You can read a transcript of the entire interview Here, but be forewarned - most of the rest is about populist politics (fitting the mood of his current book).

In more personal news:

Last Tuesday, I played a show at the Midway with White People (Donna Parker and Angela from Twisted Villiage), "We Love You" (David Gross and his significant other Polly Hanson), and psi (or "pee-ess-eye" as they like to be called). The show had a pretty small turnout, despite a funny interview in the Weekly Dig with Donna Parker (sadly no longer online). I'll probably write a show review later, but for now, let me leave you with one nugget of infotainment that encapsulated the evening: I tripped over the power cord twice, making it at least the third time at the Midway that I failed to finish "Creep."

But, playing with White People made me think. And I realised something:

There just aren't enough ethnic jokes about white folks.

Sure, there are plenty of jokes about ethnicities who are also considered white (Irish, Italians, Germans, or whatever). Plenty of racist names for whites (Whitey, Cracker, Caspar, and the old standby, Honkey). And a couple of stereotypes - most culled from 1950's American TV, which really means we brought it on ourselves.

But no jokes. And that's an outrage. Ethnic jokes aren't just funny; they serve a useful purpose for the people being ridiculed. By showing people how utterly ludicrous they would be if they acted like a living stereotype, they keep us from acting like one. (Unless, of course, you actually ARE a living stereotype, in which case you probably don't find ethnic jokes funny unless they're stereotypes of the other guy.)

Perhaps it's the fact that Whiteness is defined as the lack of ethnicity. Whiteness is both the ultimate virtue and the ultimate evil. White people are virginal as the driven snow. And you can either make them into snow angels, or write your name on them in piss.

I know of exactly two White Guy jokes:

LONE RANGER: Tonto! The Indians have us surrounded! What are we going to do?

TONTO: Whaddaya mean "we," white man?

The joke is instructive: we learn the lesson that the White Man stands alone, and we can't trust the duskier races to deliver us. Because, y'know, we spent so much time killing them and shit. Wiggers take note!

The second joke:

Q: What's the textbook definition of a white guy?

A: Someone who steps out of the shower to pee.

Having heard this joke, I realized to my dismay that it was true, and changed my ways. Now, I take pride in pissing in the shower, and in fact anywhere else I feel like it. I have been liberated!

But there must be more whitey ethnic jokes. We white men have the duty - nay, the right - to be made fun of for our stupidity. Our race has been systematically denied our civil right to be mercilessly insulted.

Is there someone I can sue about this?

If anyone is actually curious about what I've been up to:

Still smoking.

Still drinking too much, seeing too many rock shows.

Exercising, off and on.

Lost a tiny bit of weight, probably will gain it back.

Playing more classical guitar. Learning to play piano. Messing around in SynthEdit.

Aren't you glad you asked?